Tsubo Blog

Want to go out? No Way.

When girlfriends ask me to go out for drinks, my immediate reaction is, no.  Now, I love me my girls, and I love to get my drink on, but the time commitment is murder.  Like you, I am looking at November 11th and wondering when did October happen?  So, I do want time off with friends, but if I just lost a whole month when does it happen?

Mostly my brain sounds like this, “Where’s m’phone? What’s next? Do I have my keys? When does the drug store close?”  My mind is creating lists, answering questions, roaming for snacks, and telling me I am fat all at the same time.  There is a lot to like about my brain, but the  truth is, I don’t think it is always working in my own best interest. As my mind races, my body tightens, the moment is lost.  Quick tell me, what is a girl to do?

The answer is not listed. I tried googling it, I looked in emails, internet, Bing! (I don’t know what Bing! is but I love the word and I think other people who I like know, so I want to too) cell phone, text messaging, facebook, in the faces of my whining kid, cute shoes on other people, my coffee routine, and of course, work. The answer, I think, is not there.

It has something to do with recognizing self care.  Taking time out to do something with friends, shop for better food choices, or buy pants that fit you now shouldn’t be considered ‘me time’ or self care, but it breaks down to that for me. I love my life, but it is different than what I expected.  I didn’t plan for my biggest stress to be Box Tops, and for down time to be the drive to work.  I grab at chances to text, google, email, but they do not serve the bigger picture.  They are a piece, but a big loud small piece.

I love all of the above, I love being in touch, up to date. I love writing something in 140 characters or less. I also love my kids but they don’t often have as good a subject line. I have noticed being “in touch” has a cost, and grown ups make choices and I have to cull the noise.  I have to carve out self care, whether I think it is selfish or less important.  Listen for the signal through the noise.  I have to remember the bigger picture, the bigger truth, the moment.  The moment to look at your crazy 8 year old who is rapping about turtles.  The moment your friend is trying not to cry in the parking lot, the moment before I grab cheese balls instead of luscious in season honey crisp apples.  I have to find a pair of jeans that fit me.  Okay, now that I have added to the noise, I am going to but my butt on a cushion and listen.